Not surprisingly I recently received some anonymous feedback on my "What sexy is all about" post criticizing me for being weak and insecure for posting such drivel.
As with most bad stuff, my natural reaction was to disregard and move on, so I deleted the comment without much consideration. But then after a while I started thinking: I have a strong tendency to just “look the other way” when bad stuff comes up and I have a whole elaborate internal avoidance system in place (as I think most people do in North American culture) to deal with all the negativity we are bombarded with on a daily basis in order to pretend bad stuff isn’t real, or at least, "it isn’t happening to me." Lately, however, I’ve been questioning this avoidance system; avoiding just doesn’t seem to be working for me anymore. Since the point of the original post was specifically to challenge myself not to look the other way about something that irritated me and find a better way to make sense of it. I’ve decided I want to take a minute to address the concerns of the anonymous critic and see what I can make of it.
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Yes, I am insecure. I have flaws and doubts just like everyone else. What North American woman doesn’t? Our entire culture is loaded up with magazines, books, television programs, websites, even charities and not-for-profit organizations that specifically revolve around either energizing or sequestering those insecurities.
Since you feel I don't know anything about sexy, let's talk anthropology. Anthropologically speaking, I would even suggest that human beings are evolutionarily designed to have insecurities because our survival as a species rests on group living. What people think, say, and do matters to us because relationships are necessary in order for us to both reproduce our genes and ensure our offspring (and ourselves) survive. We do not have razor sharp claws or canines to defend ourselves against danger, like tigers or polar bears who live relatively solitary lives. We do not heal quickly if we are debilitated compared to other primates. Our safety and survival comes from relying on each other, so it’s natural to worry about or wonder what other people think of us or how we fit into the broader context of society - whether we are good enough or strong enough or sexy enough, and therefore whether people will like us and stick with us or leave us to our own lacking defenses.
So having insecurities and weaknesses does not make me unusual from anyone else in any way. In fact, as much as I have figured out thus far, nothing about my life does, which is why I like to think/write/talk so much about it. And that is in fact, exactly the point of this blog: to address and discuss those things that make people human beings, to find out what it means to be human and what makes us a part of nature. And I do it all through my own experience and meanderings, confidently taking responsibility for myself and the consequences of my choices. (So, you'll see things like, my name, on everything I write.)
My recounting of my thoughts and experiences through writing is my way of making sense of the world. It’s my way of understanding those things that make me happy and those things that make me sad. No one here is expected to agree with me, or even disagree with me for that matter. Anyone who comes here is welcome to take what they want – be it nothing at all or something useful. And everyone is welcome to send me their input as well, because it’s in the similarities and differences of the world where life is created.
As with most bad stuff, my natural reaction was to disregard and move on, so I deleted the comment without much consideration. But then after a while I started thinking: I have a strong tendency to just “look the other way” when bad stuff comes up and I have a whole elaborate internal avoidance system in place (as I think most people do in North American culture) to deal with all the negativity we are bombarded with on a daily basis in order to pretend bad stuff isn’t real, or at least, "it isn’t happening to me." Lately, however, I’ve been questioning this avoidance system; avoiding just doesn’t seem to be working for me anymore. Since the point of the original post was specifically to challenge myself not to look the other way about something that irritated me and find a better way to make sense of it. I’ve decided I want to take a minute to address the concerns of the anonymous critic and see what I can make of it.
---
Yes, I am insecure. I have flaws and doubts just like everyone else. What North American woman doesn’t? Our entire culture is loaded up with magazines, books, television programs, websites, even charities and not-for-profit organizations that specifically revolve around either energizing or sequestering those insecurities.
Since you feel I don't know anything about sexy, let's talk anthropology. Anthropologically speaking, I would even suggest that human beings are evolutionarily designed to have insecurities because our survival as a species rests on group living. What people think, say, and do matters to us because relationships are necessary in order for us to both reproduce our genes and ensure our offspring (and ourselves) survive. We do not have razor sharp claws or canines to defend ourselves against danger, like tigers or polar bears who live relatively solitary lives. We do not heal quickly if we are debilitated compared to other primates. Our safety and survival comes from relying on each other, so it’s natural to worry about or wonder what other people think of us or how we fit into the broader context of society - whether we are good enough or strong enough or sexy enough, and therefore whether people will like us and stick with us or leave us to our own lacking defenses.
So having insecurities and weaknesses does not make me unusual from anyone else in any way. In fact, as much as I have figured out thus far, nothing about my life does, which is why I like to think/write/talk so much about it. And that is in fact, exactly the point of this blog: to address and discuss those things that make people human beings, to find out what it means to be human and what makes us a part of nature. And I do it all through my own experience and meanderings, confidently taking responsibility for myself and the consequences of my choices. (So, you'll see things like, my name, on everything I write.)
My recounting of my thoughts and experiences through writing is my way of making sense of the world. It’s my way of understanding those things that make me happy and those things that make me sad. No one here is expected to agree with me, or even disagree with me for that matter. Anyone who comes here is welcome to take what they want – be it nothing at all or something useful. And everyone is welcome to send me their input as well, because it’s in the similarities and differences of the world where life is created.
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